Fandom: Digimon
Rating: PG
Summary: Matt's dating WHO?! Is it Hikari? Koushiro? Daisuke? What? Nobody can keep track, but everybody knows he's lookin' for love. The real question is, who will he find it with? Warning: YAOI and YURI!
Warning! This fic contains yaoi and yuri. Don't like it? Leave!!
Author's Note: Hey people! I just realized exactly how long it's been since I posted something. It's not for lack of writing, I assure. I'm just slow on the finishing aspect. So I decided I'd post this. I've only recently finished revising it. Hopefully I didn't miss too many mistakes. ^-^ And if I did, you can always yell at me or something. Also, I used the Japanese names for this fic, but I used the dub ones for nicknames at points. For example, Yamato is mostly called Matt and Taichi is Tai. Hopefully I didn't use the wrong name by mistake at any point. I would also like to comment that this whole thing is demented in my opinion. That said, enjoy!
Disclaimer: This whole thing was inspired by the remake Britney Spears did of "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." I don't own that song, or the characters within the fic. I own nothing, except my own demented ideas. Don't sue!! I've blown all my money on Lord of the Rings anyway, so you won't get much! ^_^
I set my tray on the table in front of me, then sat down. I then proceeded to glare moodily at the unidentifiable mass of lumpy brown food in front of me. Damn that frigging alarm clock for being a worthless malfunctioning piece of junk, I thought grumpily. I'd never be eating the school food if I hadn't overslept so that I didn't have time to do more than get dressed, fix my hair and run to school.
That was just the start of my bad day too. So far I'd had two tests I'm certain I failed, I'd been assigned extra work for being late to class, plus I'd snapped at just about all of my friends. And it was only lunchtime.
Someone set down a bag and sat beside me. I didn't even bother looking up, just continued to stare at the congealing mass on my tray. I really did not need this right now.
"Not even a 'Hi'?" queried a teasing voice from beside me. I still didn't look up, ignoring the person. I knew who it was anyway, so why should I waste energy by looking at her?
"Now is that anyway to treat your girlfriend?" asked another teasing voice, this one in a lower octave. This time I looked up. I hadn't heard Tai sit down and the unexpected voice startled me considerably. Tai grinned triumphantly at having caught me off guard.
I glared back, still feeling extremely irritable. Then, needing to take out a little of that bad-temper on someone, I turned and looked at Mimi. "Hi," I said flatly, hoping she'd take the hint and back off for once. She didn't.
"Oh, are you having a bad day Mattie?" she asked in an almost patronizing voice. "Here, let me kiss it and make it better!" So saying she planted several wet kisses all over my face, ending with one on my mouth. I suppose it was meant to be cute and endearing, but all I felt was nausea. My hand involuntarily clenched into a fist. Tai smirked at that sight. My teeth gritted together as I resisted the urge to scold Mimi. Instead I took the opportunity to let loose a long-suffering sigh.
It's not working, I thought, knowing I should feel regretful but instead just feeling relieved. Sure, it used to be cute, but it had become just plain old annoying by now. Ignoring the startled looks from Mimi and Tai I gathered my tray and left just as the rest of my friends were arriving, saying over my shoulder, "I don't feel much like eating. I think I'm gonna go upstairs and study for that history test last period. Later." Then I beat a quick retreat before anyone could protest.
Once I was safely upstairs I leaned unhappily against my locker then slumped to the floor, ignoring the history book I should be studying from. I had more important things to think about. Like breaking up with Mimi.
We'd been going out a month now, and she was seriously starting to get on my nerves. She really needed to learn to lay off. It seemed like she was always there, every second of every day, constantly hanging on me. It was getting so I wanted to scream every time I saw her. So breaking up seemed inevitable. There was only problem. I didn't want to be single, didn't want to be alone, didn't want those insane fangirls constantly on my tail with never a moment's peace. That was worse than a thousand Mimis. At least Mimi understood me to some extent and had a few brains in her head. I wanted someone to be there when I needed company, someone to laugh and cry with, to talk to, to just be myself around. Doesn't everybody? But who could that someone be? Hmmm . . . no one girl jumped to mind . . . Maybe I'd better just think of single girls that might work.
Jun's face popped into my mind, along with a seething mass of other fangirls. I quickly banished the image from my mind. No. Definitely no. Decidedly no. Positively no. Uh-uh.
Maybe another of the Digidestined? I certainly knew them well enough to feel comfortable with them. Let's see, excluding Mimi that left Sora, Hikari and Miyako. Well, they were worth a try...Sora first. Maybe it'd work out. Emphasis on maybe. If Sora didn't work out, maybe 'Kari. It wasn't like she was taken or I'd be betraying anyone if he went out with her. After all, Daisuke seemed to be losing interest and I had it straight from Takeru's mouth that 'Kari was just a friend, and I could tell when he was lying. Then if 'Kari didn't work out maybe Miyako would. That seemed kind of doubtful, but if I actually made it that far I'd probably be willing to try anything. Beyond that, well, I'd just have to make it up as I went along.
The bell rang signifying an end to my lunch period. I sighed and reluctantly stood up. I just hope Sora isn't as clinging as Mimi, I thought almost grimly. I don't know if I could stand more of that! Love had sure better be worth it when I find it!
I was the first to arrive at the picnic. I settled in our normal spot and sighed. After all the Digimon problems had died down the Digidestined had started to drift apart, so I had arranged a monthly gathering to be handled by one of them each month. This month was Miyako's turn and she had opted for a picnic with food from her parent's store.
I laid down and closed my eyes tiredly. I hadn't slept well the night before and was so tired I was having problems staying awake. Any other day I would have stayed home and taken a nap, but this was special. It would probably be one of the only times I saw the older DD (except Tai and maybe Matt) all month. I missed them. They were great friends. It really was too bad I didn't see them more often, but they all had their own lives, so I'd decided I'd just have to make the most of these gatherings.
"Hey Hikari!" A cheerful voice greeted me. I opened my eyes to see Daisuke grinning at me. I smiled back at him and sat up.
"How much longer do you suppose until the others get here?" I asked, having lost track of time while I was daydreaming.
"Well, Ken should be here soon. He called me just before he set out to remind me. Good thing he did too; I forgot."
I rolled my eyes. "Daisuke, you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to the rest of you by your neck." Daisuke looked unconcerned. I shook my head despairingly. "You'll never change!" I exclaimed.
"Of course he won't," said a voice from behind me. I jumped in surprise at the suddenness of it. "Daisuke will ever remain himself, impossible though that may seem. Sorry if I startled you Hikari," added Jyou apologetically, Koushiro grinning beside him.
"That's all right Jyou. Hey Koushiro. Did you guys see any of the others coming?"
"Well here come Matt and Sora," Koushiro said, pointing at the aforementioned couple approaching the three of us. Matt had his arm around Sora's waist and she was talking to him animatedly as he listened attentively.
I shook my head again. Somehow this couple just seemed wrong to me. It just didn't click. I mean, besides the fact that I'd always expected Tai and Sora to get together, Matt and Sora together had just been a total shock. Then again, they had been going out for almost two months now. They certainly seemed happy. Takeru told me otherwise though. He said that Matt wasn't as happy as he seemed.
Seeing the expression on Matt's face now I was certainly inclined to agree. He looked happy, but there was a look in his eyes, as if he'd stepped in something nasty and now couldn't rid himself of the lingering stench. In fact, now that I looked closely, Sora didn't seem all that relaxed either. You couldn't see it unless specifically looking for it, but it was definitely there. It was a certain stiffness, a flash of unhappiness in her eyes, quickly veiled. This was enough for me though. It was obvious that the couple wasn't going to last.
Glancing away from the unhappy two I noted Iori, Miyako and Takeru approaching. I smiled brightly at them to mask my sorrow at Matt and Sora's relationship falling apart. Takeru had known me for too long for diversionary tactics to work on him though, and he immediately glanced around to find the source of my sadness. His eyes fell on Matt and Sora and widened in understanding. It had always been plain to him when Matt was uncomfortable, and today was no exception. I met his eyes again and he shrugged reluctantly. It couldn't be helped and we both knew it. Feelings like love and devotion couldn't be forced, no matter how hard one tried.
The two groups arrived at the picnic site simultaneously. Only then did I notice the bulging backpacks Takeru, Iori and Miyako were wearing. "I couldn't find a picnic basket," remarked Miyako to the world in general. I smiled fondly and shook my head.
I watched as Miyako, Takeru and Iori set to work diligently distributing the food on a blanket Miyako had brought. I briefly entertained the notion of helping them set up, then dismissed it. I was way too tired and they seemed to be handling things quite well on their own.
Instead I looked around, wondering where the others were. I noted Mimi approaching and waved. Mimi waved cheerfully back despite an uneasy look at Matt and Sora talking quietly together.
Ken was next to appear, coming from the opposite direction as Mimi. I smiled at him and he nodded back, ever solemn. I heard someone's stomach growl loudly and jumped slightly. I glanced behind me toward the source of the sound to see Tai standing there smiling sheepishly.
"Trying to sneak up on us?" I inquired playfully of my older brother.
"You've got me all figured out," he admitted ruefully.
I snorted. "Far be it from me to claim to understand the Almighty Taichi Kamiya," I teased.
"And don't you ever forget it," Tai answered complacently.
Everyone laughed at the exchange, then Daisuke exclaimed, "Let's eat!"
Everyone nodded and began to serve himself or herself. I relaxed in the presence of my friends, feeling happy and comfortable. I let all thoughts of Matt and Sora drift from my mind. They could take care of themselves and right now I needed a respite from the stress of my everyday life.
"Is it really truly true?" I squealed, jumping up and down in excitement. Hikari gave me a bewildered look.
"Is what true Miyako?" she asked in her usual patient tone of voice. She never seemed to lose patience with people, never yelled at them or got angry. It was one of the many things I admired about Hikari. Lord knew if Daisuke had been acting like I was now, I would’ve blown up at him within seconds. The very image was almost enough to make me calm down. Well, almost.
"Is it true that you're going out with Yamato?" I asked impatiently.
Hikari blinked at me. "Why wouldn't it be true?"
"Well didn't he only just break up with Sora?"
"Yeah. And?"
"Doesn't she have some sort of opinion about all of this?"
"I don't see why she should. They weren't happy together and broke up. End of story." I opened my mouth to protest, but Hikari wasn't finished yet. "Anyway, I called her and talked to her to make sure it was all right before I said yes. In fact," here Hikari let amusement creep into her voice. "I believe Tai was more upset than she was. His exact words were, and I quote, 'My little sister going out with my best friend?! Freaky!'"
I giggled at her mental picture of Taichi's face. Then I frowned. "You're so lucky! Yamato is so totally hot! Bet he's a great kisser too!" I said, nudging Hikari in the side with my elbow. Hikari laughed but didn't comment. I frowned again. For a girl going out with a guy like Yamato Ishida, she didn’t seem too thrilled about it. Of course, she could be playing it cool by pretending she didn't care, but she wasn't giving off the right signs for that. She was acting more like someone forced to do a slightly odious task that she didn't especially care for but that needed to be done. The thought that Hikari was Yamato's third girlfriend in a very short span of time floated up from the depths of my mind, and something clicked.
Yamato's looking for someone to love who doesn't drive him bonkers and he's obviously decided the Digidestined are the first place to look, I thought, understanding dawning in my mind. Hikari's just doing this to prove to him that she's not the one either. "I see," I said softly.
Hikari looked at me sharply. "What do you see?"
"I get what you're doing. You're proving to him it's not you."
Hikari looked surprised at my insight for a moment then shook her head in grudging admiration. "Am I that obvious?" she asked ruefully.
"Not really," I lied blithely. "Well, maybe a little," I amended when Hikari looked at me skeptically. "Well, now that we've got that cleared up, who do you think it is?" I asked brightly.
Hikari sighed. "I don't know. It's obviously not me, Sora or Mimi. Maybe it's you. I'm certainly no one to say."
"I doubt that he'll be able to stand me too long. I'm too much like Mimi."
"You're right. Wonder where he'll go after that?"
"Maybe-dare I venture-the guys?"
Hikari looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Guess we'll just have to wait and see."
I knocked boldly on the door, trying to pretend away my very real distress by acting tough. The truth was, this was something that needed to be done, and I seemed to be the only on fit to do it. Buck up Takenouchi, I scolded myself mentally. You didn't get the Crest of Love for nothing. He needs someone to talk to, that much is obvious.
The problem is, I really did like him that way. After years of hoping and praying for Taichi to come around and notice me, he'd told her that he wasn't even vaguely interested, right along with a rather interesting confession. That's when I'd first really noticed Matt. Of course, I realized it was just a crush, but it still hurt. I'd needed a little consolation for the let down with Taichi.
I noted my mental naming and winced. I must be more resentful of *Tai* than I thought, I decided unhappily. So why aren't I mad at Matt? Maybe because he seems to be even more confused than me.
I sighed and scowled at the door. What was taking Matt so long? Surely he should have been here by now . . .
The doorknob turned and the door opened to reveal a slightly disgruntled, soaking wet Yamato Ishida. I grinned sheepishly. "Did I come at a bad time?"
"No, that's ok Sora. I told you on the phone you could come over right away, and I meant it. I just didn't figure you'd be so quick about it and decided to take a short shower. I had just stepped out when I heard you knock. Come right in."
I blushed slightly and followed Matt in. Despite claiming to have only just stepped out of the shower, he wasn't really that disorganized. He'd managed to dress himself neatly, even if his hair was slightly messed up. Probably bugging the hell out of him too, I thought with some amusement. "You know, it's fine with me if you want to blow-dry your hair or something," I offered, feeling suddenly magnanimous.
"Thanks, but no. My hair hates to be blow-dried." He shuddered eloquently. "Last time I tried it went totally frizzy. Not a pretty sight. It kind of resembled a demented bird's nest."
"Then I guess it looked just about the way Tai's does all the time," I commented with a grin.
Matt chuckled but his heart obviously wasn't in it. I sighed again. It looked like it was time to step into my roll as sympathetic listener and bad advice giver. "You want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?" I asked gently.
"If I didn't I wouldn't have let you come here," Matt remarked. "I'd have claimed a date or some type of plans."
Another sigh. "Fine. Where do you want to start?"
"How about the beginning?"
"That's usually a good plan," I admitted, mildly peeved that he was making a semi-fool out of me.
"Right. Then that'd be my thoughts. Okay, so I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. So I started dating Mimi as a bid for companionship. Then I figured that maybe I wasn't just looking for a friend, I was looking for well, not so much a lover in the physical sense, but someone who loved me and I loved back. You know, in the romantic sense. I didn't really have a problem with that until Mimi started to get on my nerves. So I broke up with her and went to you. Except I still wasn't happy. No offense. 'Kari's next. Obviously that didn't work out either since I just broke up with her yesterday. But I still want a relationship."
I nodded. "So are you going for Miyako next? I'm assuming you think you're going to find your significant other among the DD."
Matt bowed his head. "Am I that transparent?"
"Of course not," I protested. "You're more translucent. Instead of clear images I'm getting vague shapes."
Matt smiled a little, which was what I had been aiming for. "That's not very reassuring," Matt said wryly.
"It wasn't meant to me. I only intended to make you smile. So you wanna tell me what's really bothering you?"
Matt blinked and gave me an angelic look. I looked at him sternly in return. I was not about to let him fool me into total ignorance, despite his best efforts. He never had been very good at knowing when to give up. "What's really bothering me? Nothing beyond what I just told you is bothering me at all." He paused and pretended to reconsider. "Well, actually there are a few persistent fangirls, but that's about it. Anyway, weren't you the one who wanted to come over and talk to me?"
"Only because you called me out of nowhere to prattle about meaningless gossip and rumors, which isn't like you at all. If that doesn't indicate that something's wrong, I don't know what does. So 'fess up!"
I knew Matt well enough to be able to tell from what little facial expression he let through that he was thinking. I could almost see him weighing his options on a little balance of choice and consequence. What he figured must have made him reach some type of a resolve, because he sighed heavily and met my eyes. Silence reigned in the room while I waited for him to start talking. When he did begin to speak it came out rushed, as if he had to say it fast or he would be able to say it at all.
"I'm not so sure that I'm really interested in girls at all. They don't seem to do anything for me. I was thinking that if Miyako doesn't work out maybe I'd go for Ken. He's a hottie!" This last was said in an admiring tone.
I shook my head ruefully. I should've known he'd end up gay after dating me. It seemed to be my luck. First Taichi turned out bisexual and not even slightly interested in me, now Matt was gay. Maybe I should just give up on guys entirely. As a matter of fact, Mimi was started to look awfully good...and if my luck held true then Mimi would become at least bi if I hung around her enough. Intriguing concept that, but better suited to another time. Matt was staring at me rather anxiously and I didn't want to keep him in suspense for too long. However, I couldn't quite seem to think of an appropriate response. Just wing it, I decided after another awkward moment of silence. "Er, that's nice Matt."
Matt looked surprised. "That's all you're going to say? 'That's nice?!' You aren't even going to look completely shocked, never mind jumping up and screaming something about sick perverts? I'm started to feel insulted!"
I stared at him stupidly for a moment. "Do you really want me to?" I finally asked. "'Cause I could if it really means that much to you. Hold on; just let me get my good old horrified expression going..."
"That's ok, really," said Matt hastily. "I just always expected coming out the closet so to speak, to be more dramatic. More soap opera-like."
"Sorry to disappoint you. It's just kind of a shock to find out that the guy you went out with for almost two months is gay. Doesn't do much for my feminine image of myself. Besides, you shouldn't watch that soap opera crap. Rots your brain, what little you have."
Matt grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. But you don't have a problem with it?"
"Nah, why should I?"
"If you don't know, I'm not going to explain. So, do you wanna compare notes on the DD guys?"
I just had to grin at that. Well, this could be fun, I thought mischievously. "Sure. Why not? And maybe after that we could talk a little about the girls..."
It's strange how things can change so much in such a short span of time. Once I would've said I'd die before even thinking about liking any of those pesky Digidestined. Now I'm 'one of them,' or as close to it as I'll ever be and I'm standing here being asked on a date by one of them. I'm seriously thinking of saying yes to him too.
Yes, that right, 'him.' I, Ken Ichijouji, am gay, and while I'm not proud of it I'm very much aware of it. I've known forever. When I'd first started going to school I'd found out. I'd come home from school one day went to my room, and started crying because I'd just figured it out. I liked another boy my age. Even back then I knew that that sort of thing was wrong, that boys were supposed to like girls and vice versa, but I couldn't help it. I was scared, plain and simple.
My mother discovered me crying when she got home, and coaxed the whole tale of why I was crying out of me, then very carefully explained to me that there was nothing wrong with being gay, that she'd still love me no matter what. But I didn't miss the horrified look on her face before she hid it, or the slightly frigid tone of her voice.
And after that she and my father began to lavish more and more attention on Sam. I guess they saw him as their last hope for grandchildren and greatness since I was turning out so badly. I felt guilty but I couldn't change what I was, what I still am. And the person I am is greatly tempted by this offer, this wonderful chance he's offering me. It would solve so many problems . . .
By doing this one thing I won't have to go through the experience of telling everyone I'm gay, especially Daisuke . . . I think I'll say yes. When I do his bright blue eyes, which had been looking slightly worried, light up and he smiles brightly.
We make small talk for a short while, and then he excuses himself for band practice. We're starting out small. I'll come to his concert Friday night, we'll go get something to eat after that. I feel great. I can't help but wish this were Daisuke instead of Yamato though . . .
I sigh, heavily, then smile, albeit a little forcedly. For now I will be happy with what I have. But maybe someday . . . Dreams of Daisuke and me, together, plague me the rest of the way home.
We walk down the street with our arms around each other's waists, ignoring the stares we receive from people as we pass. I certainly don't have any qualms about being stared at, and Yamato seems to almost enjoy being the center of attention. Why should we care? These people don't know us, have no right to judge us.
Honestly, if they knew me they'd know that I'm bi. I mean, hello people, is it not obvious that while I do have a thing for Hikari, I've also got a crush the size of the Milky Way on Ken? Duh! I'm not making any secret of it. I think the only one who doesn't know is Ken himself. He's totally clueless about the way people feel about him. I guess he's been ignoring his own emotions for so long now that he doesn't recognize them when he sees them in others.
By this time we've reached my school. We pause in front of it to bid each other good-bye. "Bye Yamato," I bid him with a grin as I turned toward the entrance to the school.
"Later Daisuke," he said with a matching grin on his face. Then, with a wave he walks off toward his own school.
As soon as he disappeared from view Miyako ambushed me. I jumped in surprise as she stepped around the corner and bounced up to me. "So, you're Matt's latest?" she asked enthusiastically before I could say a word. "It's really too bad Ken didn't last. They were really cute together."
I pretended to puff up with indignation. "And Yamato and I aren't cute?"
She shrugged and rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. Anyway, why are you even going out with him? Everyone knows you've got it bad for Ken."
I rolled my eyes at her in return, not planning on answering. You see what I mean though? Everyone knows. She seems to expect an answer though. Inconvenient of her since I honestly don't know why I said yes to Yamato. Maybe it's his natural charisma that draws people to him like a bee to honey. Or maybe it was a message to Ken that wasn’t going to wait forever or maybe just that I was available. Whatever it was, Miyako needed an answer so she might leave me alone.
"He's obviously out to prove something," I replied noncommittally. "Who am I to get in his way?"
We had reached my locker by this point and I busied myself getting my books for the morning organized while Miyako pondered my response. The bell rang before she could pull together anymore questions though, and she had to scramble off to her class. I guess you could say I struck her speechless, I though humorously as I watched her retreating back.
My thoughts soon returned to the question she had asked me though. Why did I say yes? Well, whatever the reason was, I decided, this doesn't mean I'm giving up on Ken. Not by a long shot. This is just a little detour on the road to getting what I want.
I closed the door behind me and followed Matt into the kitchen. "So, what do you want to eat?" my brother asked cheerily.
"I think I’ll play it safe and just totally pass," I answered, remembering the last time I had eaten something Matt made. I wasn't quite ready for a repeat performance of that. Not that Matt's a bad cook, not at all, but I still haven't recovered from the trauma.
"Your loss," he said as he started pulling various things out of the refrigerator. I shrugged.
"I didn't come here to eat anyway," I start, hoping to lead up to what I wanted to talk about.
Matt grinned. "Gee, and all this time I thought you were visiting me just for my superior culinary skills," he said teasingly.
I rolled my eyes, but otherwise ignored the remark. "I came here specifically so I could talk to you," I said firmly.
"Takeru-" he began to protest. I cut him off.
"What are you trying to do Matt? Date the entire Digidestined of Japan?"
Matt avoided meeting my eyes, an answer in itself. I took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly and softly, repressing the urge to sigh heavily. " 'Why' is my biggest question."
He opened his mouth, then closed it, opened it, and closed it again. He looks like a fish, part of my mind observed with a giggle. I repressed the thought and waited silently for Matt to answer. After several minutes he finally pulled his thoughts together enough to talk.
"I see them all the time you know. Boyfriend and girlfriend, boyfriend and boyfriend, girlfriend and girlfriend. It doesn't matter the gender. They're together all the time, oh so happy with each other. I see them and I feel so jealous. Completely, totally, wretchedly jealous that they have it and I don't. Love that is. That's all I really want you know, just love. I'd trade all the fangirls, the popularity, the constant attention, all of it for just that one thing."
"But why the other Digidestined?" I inquired gently.
Matt thought for a little while before answering. "They just seem . . . more real I guess. I'm closer to them and feel more for them. It just seemed like the natural thing to do." He shrugged. "I guess there are a lot of reasons."
I allowed myself the luxury of a sigh. Matt stared off into space absently. We remained silent for a few minutes until a thought hit me. I chuckled a little as I said," I'm a member of the Digidestined too."
Matt stared at me blankly for a moment, then understanding dawned in his eyes and he made a face. "I don't think so! You're really not my type!" he exclaimed as we both burst out laughing.
The phone rang. I glanced at it unhappily. I'd rather not answer it but neither of my parents is home and it could be important. I picked it up reluctantly. "Hello, Izumi residence. Koushiro speaking."
A familiar voice sounded at the other end. "Hey Koushiro, It's Matt. What's going on?"
"Not much," I replied cautiously. "Just doing my homework."
"Already?" He sounded surprised. "But it's only Friday night!"
I shrugged, even though I knew he couldn't see it. "Nothing better to do."
I knew it was a mistake as soon as the words left my mouth. You aren't supposed to encourage him, I berated myself mentally. He's been bad enough lately without encouragement. Matt had been plaguing me for almost a week now to go out with him, and I had just given him the perfect opportunity.
"Then you wouldn't object to going to see a movie with me!"
Matt sounded absolutely delighted at the prospect. I opened my mouth to protest, but Matt seemed to sense my intentions and beat me to the punch. "And since you've already admitted that you have nothing better to do, you won't have any way out short of telling me you have absolutely no interest in me. That would present a problem for you. Since you're into science you also believe in testing a hypothesis right? That means you have to experiment. You can't say the hypothesis is true just because you want it to be. You have to test it. I also thought I should inform you that if you turn me down again I’d probably be deeply hurt. You wouldn't want to do that to your friend now would you? I didn't think so. It seems saying yes is your best option."
"You've been hanging out with Tai too much," I protested, trying to buy time to find a way out. "You're not giving me a chance to present my case."
"As a matter of fact, he helped me come up with the whole thing. You're stalling. I don't intend on letting you weasel your way out of this one, so what's your answer?"
There was a long pause as I racked my brain, desperately looking for a way out. Problem was, I was drawing a blank and could see no way out without telling him things I'd sworn I wouldn't. Tai, Jyou, you guys are both going to pay for putting me through this, I raged mentally. "Fine!" I surrendered with ill grace. "But only this once."
"Ah, but don't experiments have to be repeated several times before you can be certain the results are correct?" He had me covered on all fronts, that was for sure.
"We'll see." No guarantees Matt. No guarantees.
I was in a rare rage and for once it wasn't paranoia-related. That was something that didn't happen often. When it did happen though, I knew exactly what I had to do. I stalked toward Jim's college dorm, shooting threatening glances at anyone who looked fool enough to approach me. I would have found some of the frightened glances I was receiving quite amusing if I hadn't been so ticked off. As it was I found it satisfying. Fear wasn't something I inspired often, so when I did it was a moment to be treasured.
Jim was just walking out the door when I arrived at his room, but when he saw the look on my face he did a quick about face, muttering something about being able to afford being a little late. I followed him in, almost slamming the door behind me. As it was a picture, which had been hanging precariously before, smashed to the ground.
Jim winced. "Careful," he chided me.
"Sorry," I replied, well aware that I sounded not in the least repentant. Jim sighed and dropped to the floor, settling comfortably into a cross-legged position. I followed suit, albeit a little less gracefully. For some reason Jim had a penchant for sitting on the floor, and I wasn't willing to tower over him as we talked. He claimed he was used to it but it still made me feel uneasy.
"So what's up?" he asked me, composed as always. Which brought me back to my original point of extreme rage.
I glared off into space, literally seeing red, but forced myself to speak in as detached a manner as I could. "My boyfriend went on a date last night with someone else."
Jim sat silently for a minute as he struggled to digest that little tidbit of information. Myself, I was on the verge of some act of unprecedented violence. "Koushiro? Go out with someone else? Who and why Jyou?" I averted my eyes a little sheepishly. Jim groaned. "Don't tell me you didn't even talk to him, just went off into a rage? God, sometimes I feel like you're still five years old!" He threw up his hands in exasperation.
I looked down, thankfully feeling all the anger drain out of me. When I looked up it was with eyes unclouded by anger and my emotions once again back under my control. That was why I had come to Jim. He always had that effect on me, much to my relief. I guess my anger was just no match for his clear-sighted logic.
Jim then stood up, heading for places unknown. I thought for one wild moment that he was going to leave for wherever he'd been heading when I barged in. I watched instead as he picked up a phone from a small table near his bed, and then walked back and handed it to me. I looked at it questioningly and he rolled his eyes. "Call your boyfriend and find out what's going on stupid," he recommended, and before I even knew what I was doing I had obeyed.
I waited nervously as the phone rang. I was on the verge of hanging up, when Koushiro answered.
"Hello?" I suppressed the urge to beam at his beloved voice and instead concentrated on the matter at hand.
"We need to talk," I said seriously not leaving any room for objection.
I could almost see my Koushiro nodding as he said," Yes, we do."
There was a pause, then we both began to speak at once.
"What were you doing-"
"There's something I need to tell-"
We stopped simultaneously. I took a deep breath and said, "You first."
He mirrored me by taking a deep breath, and then started. "I went on a date last night with Yamato. I'm sorry, but he had me backed into a corner. I couldn’t say ‘no’ without either hurting him or telling him about us. And we agreed that we were going to keep our relationship a secret from our friends until we were both ready. So I didn't really see any other option. It was quite harmless really. I assure you I made sure that he kept his distance." A pause and then anxiously," You're not mad are you?"
I sighed in relief. "Not anymore. I'm glad we have that cleared up though."
"You saw us."
"Yeah. I was upset. I'm glad you told me this. I feel so much better."
"I would never desert you! How could you ever doubt me?"
"I never will again," I promised fervently.
"Good. I love you, you know."
"I know. I love you too. See you later."
"Bye."
Neither of us hung up though. "Still there?" I asked after a moment of silence.
"Yeah. Jyou, you know I only did it to keep us secret like we agreed."
"I know. I'm so sorry I doubted you. And believe me, the secrecy isn't lasting now. I refuse to go through that again."
The joy in Koushiro's voice when he answered me was nearly tangible. "I love you. Bye."
"Bye. For real this time." Despite my words, I waited until he heard the click from the other end before turning the phone off. I lowered the phone to meet Jim's eyes guiltily.
"Not what you thought huh?" Jim asked me gently.
I shook my head and sighed. Nothing was ever easy and this was no exception. Now I had to figure out just how I was going to tell the others this secret Koushiro and I'd been keeping for so long. I had a good idea where to start though, and that's always a good thing.
"Are you sure about this?" Jyou asked me nervously for what must have been the tenth time. Or maybe it was only the ninth. I'd lost count a little while ago, not that it mattered.
"As sure as I ever am about anything. You said yourself that you wanted to tell him," I said patiently.
He sighed. "I'm sorry Iori. I'm just really worried about how this will turn out. I mean, we've known each other forever and here I am keeping this big secret from him, from everybody..." He trailed off dejectedly.
"I'm sure he'll understand. After all, he only recently came out himself. He can't have forgotten what it feels like."
"You're right again. Thank you so much for coming along to support me. I doubt I'd have the nerve to go through with this otherwise."
"It's not a problem," I replied, thanking Kami-sama that we were finally there.
Jyou hesitated in front of the door. He obviously wanted to knock, but it seemed his nerves were getting to him again. I solved his dilemma by knocking firmly on the door. A tall man with brown hair answered the door. I was fairly sure he was Matt's father. "Hello Jyou. Here to see Matt?" he asked rhetorically. He sounded tired. "Come on in. He and Tai are supposed to be studying in his room." He continued talking as he led us inside. "They're probably playing video games though. He just recently got one of the Final Fantasies...can't remember which one." He stopped before a closed door that had a sign on it which said 'Teen-age Wolf Lair: Enter at own Risk' "Well here it is. I'll leave you to talk to him." He walked off.
I waited a minute to give Jyou a chance to take the initiative. At first I thought he was just going to stand and was on the verge of once again knocking for him. He appeared to have gathered his courage on the walk in though, and knocked after only a moment's hesitation.
Matt's voice called out "Just a minute!" from inside, and we could hear things being shuffled around. Matt opened the door with good grace a minute later. He was obviously surprised to see us, but immediately invited us in. Tai was sitting on the floor. He appeared to be diligently poring over a textbook, but he looked up when we came in. When he saw it was just us he sighed in relief and swiftly shut the book, turned on the TV, pulled a controller out from under the bed and resumed his game. Matt gave him a wry look and invited us to sit down wherever. I quickly settled on the floor. Jyou opted to stand, while Matt settled onto his bed.
"How can I help you? he asked nonchalantly when we were all settled.
Jyou looked at me uncertainly and I nodded encouragingly. He seemed to be slightly reassured since he started talking almost immediately. "Well, I've got something to tell you."
Matt looked concerned at his serious tone and leaned forward a little. "Go on," he prompted.
"Well, I found this out a while ago but was too afraid to tell anyone. I'm . . . gay." Here Jyou stopped and winced slightly, as if anticipating cruel and cutting remarks, even though he should have known better.
Matt was silent as he took the whole thing in. He seemed unsure what was expected of him. Tai was the first one to speak. "Nothing wrong with that man. Got a boyfriend?"
At that Jyou tensed once more, impossible as it seemed. I could practically see him gathering his resolve. "Yes I do."
"Anyone we know?" Tai asked curiously.
Jyou took a deep breath and then blurted out at light speed, "It'skoushiro." I shook my head.
"Huh?" said Matt and Tai in unison.
I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. "He's dating Koushiro," I said, standing up easily in order to draw attention to my small self. "They've been going out a while secretly. Then he heard that Koushiro went on a date with you and got mad. After hearing Koushiro's side of the story he decided that it was time to be open about their relationship. You guys are the first ones he's taken it upon himself to tell besides his brother and me." Jyou cast me a mixture of a grateful and horrified look.
Matt spoke up almost the second I stopped talking. "Jyou, I'm so sorry. I never would have asked him if I'd known. Now I feel so guilty! If it makes you feel better, it took me quite a lot of work to convince him. I had no idea..."
Matt's little speech seemed to make Jyou cheer up. Jyou hastened to reassure Matt though, who was looking quite upset. "I understand Matt. Just don't you even think of making a move on my Koushiro again!" he said with a smile. Matt smiled back and all the tension drained out of the room.
I just happened to look at Tai in that moment, and I caught a trace of some strange emotion in his eyes. It struck me as vaguely familiar, so I thought about it for a minute. Then I understood what it was reminding me of. Oh Kami-sama, I thought in shock. Tai's in love with Matt!!
I looked quickly at Matt to see if he realized. He was talking to Jyou about something; I had no idea what. I saw him look at Tai with nothing apparent in his eyes but friendship as far as I could see and ask him a question. Tai answered noncommittally, lacking his usual energy. Matt turned back to his conversation with a slightly puzzled look on his face that quickly disappeared as he turned his attention elsewhere. I met Tai's eyes and he must have seen my discovery on my face because he brought his index finger to his lips in a silent hushing motion. Then he smiled, pain-filled yet hopeful at the same time. I looked away, heart aching for him. What a rotten trick for fate to play on him, I thought, filled with sympathy. He's in love with his best friend.
After meeting Iori's eyes and giving away far more than I ever wanted to, I once more drifted into a state of despondency. It was tearing me apart to have to watch Matt keep dating these people who weren't me. I wanted Yamato all to myself, and just standing by and watching really wasn’t my style. Any of the other Digidestined probably would have laughed to hear it, but I, Taichi Yagami, was frightened. I was scared of being rejected by my best friend and the one person who mattered most to me. Of course, I continually told myself that I was really just biding my time, waiting for the perfect moment to confess my feelings for him, but that's bullshit. It was just a ploy to keep the few shreds of dignity I had intact while I wallowed in my cowardice.
The conversation had progressed quite a bit while I'd been sinking deeper and deeper into self-pity, fool that I am. Somehow Matt had maneuvered things deftly so that he could hit on Iori. Oh, it was as subtle as anything, but all four of us knew he was doing it, evidenced by Iori's beet-red face, Jyou's uncomfortable shifting and my damnable romance radar setting off sirens within my head.
As soon as I realized what was happening a wave of pure misery washed over me. He was doing it again, hitting on everyone except me. He'd probably never even thought about me that way. I mean, I'm his best friend. What kind of retard falls in love with his best friend? Well, me for one. I always knew I wasn't a genius, but who knew I'd end up being that stupid? Certainly not me.
Iori was desperately attempting to catch my eye, still flushing. I avoided eye contact and instead attempted an accepting smile. I knew as soon as it touched my face that it'd come out twisted, but I couldn't help that. Apparently whatever he saw on my face helped Iori reach some sort of resolve though, because he stopped blushing and instead got the look of someone about to jump out of an airplane, terrified but determined.
Matt noticed that a turning point had been reached because he put on his most charming smile and asked sweetly, "I don't suppose you'd like to catch a movie sometime?"
I almost snorted at the sugary-sweet tone he was using and instead waited anxiously for Iori's answer.
Iori's eyes sought the floor as the words, "I'm sorry, but I can't. I like someone else," came shyly from his mouth.
Matt looked startled for a moment, then wheedled, "You can still go out with me. It's not like it'd be forever, just one night. Come on Iori. I know you'd have fun..."
Iori refused to give in though, even though he was under what I would consider irresistible pressure. I never had been able to resist those gorgeous blue eyes, not when I was eleven and barely tolerated him, much less liked him, and certainly not now. Iori's eyes remained on the ground as he adamantly shook his head no.
Matt seemed to realize the hopelessness of his situation, and, with a swiftness that amazed me, turned the tables on him. "So who is this crush anyway?" he asked teasingly, adopting the big brother tone I've heard him use so many times before on Takeru. When he received no answer he continued relentlessly. "Aw, c'mon Iori, you can tell us. We won't tell, will we guys? It's always better to talk about things than keep them locked inside, you know? Please tell us? You wouldn't want me to die of curiosity would you?" he cajoled, a pleading look on his face.
He held it there while Iori glanced at him, seemingly debating the wisdom of telling his secret. I really didn't blame him. I knew how he felt. After a moment he seemed to come to a decision. "It's...it's..." Matt nodded encouragingly. Iori took a deep breath and then said in a rush, "Itstakeru." After his confession his shoulders drooped dejectedly and he slumped unhappily into his chair as if trying to make himself smaller than he already was. His head was down so he missed Matt's big Cheshire cat grin and Jyou's knowing smile.
I decided I might as well ease the agony of impending judgment by talking. "That's great Iori. You two would make a really cute couple." His head shot up and he gaped at me in surprise. I grinned at his slack-jawed expression.
"We'll have to see about hooking the two of you up sometime," Matt said.
A look of terror flashed across Iori's face and I saw the flight impulse overcome him. "I'd really better be getting home; Mom will be worried," he said before anyone could protest, hurriedly exiting the room. Jyou left soon after that, smiling and laughing like he hadn't been in a killing rage only a short while ago.
That left Matt and I alone again. Suddenly it was unbearable. Had I become so pitiful as to not be able to be around my best friend without lying to him? That was what I was doing after all. Lying to the world, lying to my friends, lying to myself, lying to *him.* I just couldn't bear it any longer.
"Matt," I said quietly, calling his attention to myself. He'd been drifting, as he so often did anymore. When his eyes focused on me I almost lost my resolve, but I managed to cling stubbornly on. "I need to tell you something," I managed to choke out.
"You know you can tell me anything Tai," he said gently. "You're my best friend." His eyes shone with sincerity.
"That's just it. I don't want to be just your best friend." A spasm of pain crossed his face at my words and I hastened on, not giving him a chance to answer me just yet. "I want to be so much more. I love you, Yamato Ishida."
I raced toward our meeting place, familiar laughter spurring me on. I dashed around the last bend and skidded to a halt, almost knocking Sora over in the process. She steadied me with a hand on my arm and asked in a sweetly concerned voice, "Are you ok Mimi?"
"I'm fine," I replied absently. I was too busy taking in the changes that had overcome the group to answer in more detail. Koushiro was practically sitting in Jyou's lap. Takeru and Iori were exchanging shy, yet flirtatious smiles. Miyako and Hikari were carrying on an animated conversation, eyes bright on each other's faces. Ken and Daisuke were engaged in a highly touchy-feely tickling match, supplying the laughter I had heard earlier. Matt and Tai were all over each other, making out with all the enthusiasm of newly discovered love. I took a moment to wonder exactly how they were getting their oxygen supply since they quite obviously weren't pausing for breath. I watched a second longer before averting my eyes. There's only so much a girl can take. It looked like everything was coming up roses, figuratively speaking.
And then there was Sora . . . Her hand is still on my arm, I noted a little giddily. She didn't seem too keen on removing it anytime soon either. Not that I especially wanted her to, but it was starting to prompt my mind to sink to gutter level. Images of those hands moving elsewhere on my body flashed before my eyes, tantalizing me. Then, almost as if she knew what I was thinking, the hand disappeared after a slight caress.
I suppressed a sigh and met Sora's eyes. They were twinkling quite beautifully, and there was a light in them I'd seen many times before. It was there whenever she looked at Tai for years, then a while ago it was directed at Matt.
I let a coy little half-smile flit across my face and said, "Was there something you wanted Sora?"
Her arm slipped around my waist and then pulled me closer. "I think you already know," she murmured in my ear.
I shivered and nodded, rejoicing inside. I'd been getting lonely, but this certainly looked promising. I looked up to find the rest of the group staring at the two of us. Even Matt and Tai were paying attention.
I surveyed all of their faces, Sora's last of all, and smiled. We may be a strange mixture of people, I thought, and society may never approve of the relationships that make us happy, but that doesn't matter. All that does matter is we're happy and satisfied with our lives. Nothing can beat that. The rest of the world can go screw themselves because as long as we're together, I know that everything will turn out right.
OWARI!
Author's Note: Ok, so I didn't intend to have this be anything but Taito when I started it, the other couples just kind of slipped in there by accident. Please don't kill me! In fact, I started this whole thing last year to get rid of writer's block, and then I got blocked on this so it took a lot longer to write than I thought it would. Heh. Also, the whole first person thing was something I started about halfway through, and it's a bit of an odd style for me, so I hope it's not too terribly awful. Anyway, please review! Tell me what you thought! Or don't if you'd rather not. I hope you enjoyed the story in any case. Thank you for reading! ^-^
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